{"id":15392,"date":"2022-10-13T17:45:51","date_gmt":"2022-10-13T17:45:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/abstracta.us\/blog\/?p=15392"},"modified":"2025-05-05T21:19:52","modified_gmt":"2025-05-05T21:19:52","slug":"the-everything-else-the-one-about-feedback","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/abstracta.us\/blog\/software-testing\/the-everything-else-the-one-about-feedback\/","title":{"rendered":"The Everything Else | The One About Feedback"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>\u00a0How did you feel the last time you received feedback? And when was the last time you were on the giving end?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Feedback makes people feel a little squirmy, and the harsh consequence is that sometimes we run away from it.<br><br>In today\u2019s episode, Vera and Mer jump into the black hole of #feedback, with some practical tips on how to make it work for you and your team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Listen_Here\"><\/span>Listen Here<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<iframe width=\"100%\" height=\"166\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" allow=\"autoplay\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=https%3A\/\/api.soundcloud.com\/tracks\/1362435775&#038;color=%23ff5500&#038;auto_play=false&#038;hide_related=false&#038;show_comments=true&#038;show_user=true&#038;show_reposts=false&#038;show_teaser=true\"><\/iframe><div style=\"font-size: 10px; color: #cccccc;line-break: anywhere;word-break: normal;overflow: hidden;white-space: nowrap;text-overflow: ellipsis; font-family: Interstate,Lucida Grande,Lucida Sans Unicode,Lucida Sans,Garuda,Verdana,Tahoma,sans-serif;font-weight: 100;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/soundcloud.com\/user-917044551\" title=\"the everything else podcast\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">the everything else podcast<\/a> \u00b7 <a href=\"https:\/\/soundcloud.com\/user-917044551\/s3e4-the-one-about-feedback\" title=\"S3E4: The One About Feedback\" target=\"_blank\" style=\"color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">S3E4: The One About Feedback<\/a><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Episode_Script\"><\/span>Episode Script<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes:<\/strong>Hello helloooo, thanks for tuning in to The everything Else podcast, this is season 3 &#8211; I\u2019m Mer\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>I\u2019m Vera,\u00a0 and this episode right here is the one about feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Ahh, feedback, I can feel managers squirming in their seats. There IS something about feedback that makes everyone a little uncomfortable&#8230;\u00a0 My guess is that we\u2019ve been getting it wrong for a while\u2026 have you ever had any difficult experiences with feedback?<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>My take is that feedback is associated with criticism, to being caught red-handed on what I did wrong. Has it been like that for you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>I\u2019ve had all sorts of experiences, wonderful feedback, and curl up in a ball and cry feedback.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve given looots of feedback &#8211; are you good at giving feedback?<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think there is such a thing as \u201cgood at giving feedback\u201d \u2026 I like the way I give it, though I must say that for some I\u2019m seen as \u201csoft\u201d.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know honestly if it\u2019s me, it\u2019s the other person, or the alchemy\u2026 But I\u2019ve seen people capitalizing my input, saying it caught on, and being referred to what we talked about as transformative input, and others, listening to me and not identifying something \u201cuseful\u201d in all the things I said, or saying \u201cI said nothing\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Mmm\u2026 that message needs adjusting then, right? This is a great starting point, knowing that feedback will have to be adjusted depending on the receiver.. to be honest, I\u2019ve had to put work on feedback, particularly the constructive one at work &#8211; because good feedback rolls off my tongue, but the other one&#8230; I tend to sugarcoat everything\u2026 And I guess, since we\u2019re being honest because this might be helpful for others, that I used to think that it was because I was nice, you know, I care about people, so I don\u2019t give negative feedback.. but I\u2019ve learned it\u2019s not so much about being nice, but rather of being afraid &#8211; so, if you resonate with this,\u00a0 it\u2019s well worth putting in the time to improve this skill.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Oh oh! maybe this is what was happening to me too&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Well&#8230; yes, and it\u2019s an eye-opener when you realize that if you actually care, then you give that constructive feedback, you look out for the other person and point out areas of improvement.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Caring about people means that you have to be honest &#8211; and this is difficult &#8211; sometimes we think that the best way to care for people is to protect, or even overprotect them so you don\u2019t talk to them about the issues you have. But honesty is the best way to show you care &#8211; now.. honesty and saying whatever comes to mind is not the same. Saying what needs to be said and doing it in time is a bit of an art form I\u2019d say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Totally.. ok so, let\u2019s have a look at what feedback is before we move on &#8211;\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Definitions, please!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>You know what, before your definition, can we see what feedback is not? I feel like there\u2019s a roadblock there.\u00a0 like, feedback is not advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Absolutely, and feedback is not your judgment. I feel like feedback is such an overused word.. to say \u201cI\u2019ll give you my opinion\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Oh god. can I give you some feedback, is like \u201cwe need to talk\u201d in couples, right? your heart starts racing, you know it\u2019s coming.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>So what is feedback? is it just support? is it rooting for somebody?<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>No, it\u2019s not just praised either. I think it helps to think of feedback with the definition in communication, right, in a general sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Feedback is <strong>the last stage of communication that occurs when the output of a system is used as input back into the system so in essence, <\/strong>it\u2019s the response to the intended message, how your actions (your job, your presentation, your words, your efforts), how did that impact the receiver (your boss, your teammates, your clients, your spouse, your friend)?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>What were the implications<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Exactly, how were they translated? Are these impacts\u00a0 aligned with your objective? and it&#8217;s the feedback that allows you to adjust the message, your future actions<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>That\u2019s key right there, because that is the objective of feedback, adjusting the message, i.e your actions and efforts so that you can reach that objective you had.&nbsp;<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>So, burning questions&#8230; How often should feedback happen? Trinet, the HR services provider had a really interesting study about feedback, and one of the results was that 74% of millennials at work felt \u201cin the dark\u201d about how managers and peers viewed their performance.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>So frequency is an issue\u2026 but what is the ideal frequency?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Every week?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Every time it is needed?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At first much more often?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Twice a year?\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>At first more often for sure, to make sure there is alignment &#8211; we can think about this in sailing, you might start off a few degrees off your course on a trip, and if you correct it quickly you can get back on track easily &#8211; but if you don\u2019t correct it, and the trip is long, those few degrees, in the long run, meaning you will be majorly off course at the end, in another destination even&#8230;\u00a0 and the same happens with feedback.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>I have fought this question so many times! To me, feedback is continuous&#8230; You know? A smile, a thank you, a conversation on something that felt off&#8230; And is not a special meeting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, when the \u201cformal feedback meeting\u201d comes -as in the parallelism of the \u201cwe need to talk the talk\u201d you more or less know where you are. If you didn\u2019t know.. or what is being brought up is completely unknown to you.. something is off with this communication.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And this might be something that as a therapist is quite obvious.. but it is the importance of talking about the here and now. About the value of revising and checking in periodically on the other, on myself, and on the relationship. This takes time, and it pays off dedicating time to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>This is intrinsically linked to motivation &#8211; at a moment when we\u2019re seeing record numbers in disengagement, and we\u2019re talking about quiet quitting, etc. It&#8217;s essential that we think about how people can feel appreciated, and many studies point to the fact that younger generations, millenials and gen z in particular need to feel appreciated.<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Don\u2019t we all? I mean.. this is something that now we are aware that is relevant, that we dare to experiment with and bring to the workplace in this search for feeling more humanized while we are working, but humans we have a need for appreciation, security, support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Well it speaks about the major shift we\u2019re seeing at work and in work relationships for sure.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Then why is it associated with saying how valuable you are to the company in terms of salary,\u00a0 or grades, or passing or not passing a course in the case of teachers? Sorry.. it frustrates me a bit because I too get the phrase \u201cI did not have feedback\u201d.. to the point that in one of my teams we laugh and say #thisisfeedback&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So.. one idea to highlight today: feedback is not evaluation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>It might mean we also have to be receptive to feedback in this broad sense of communication, being open to the impact of what you\u2019re doing and taking it as input even if it\u2019s not formal feedback, it can be body language, a passing comment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Which in turn can be a little bit more complicated nowadays what with remote work,\u00a0 turned off cameras, and muted team members.. there&#8217;s not always input in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes:<\/strong> Very very true. We have to be more explicit about it, don\u2019t we\u2026 Ok, let\u2019s elaborate a little on this difference, and go back to those definitions we were talking about. Generally speaking, there are \u00a0at least three types of feedback &#8211; appreciation, coaching, and evaluation (that formal, end-of-year feedback we all think about, is more evaluative, right?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>feedback is not a bad word. Appreciation is a type of feedback\u2026 it rewards and recognizes the good you\u2019ve been doing, it\u2019s motivating, it connects people, and it even wakes up intrinsic motivation.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>This is why it\u2019s best when it\u2019s ongoing\u2026 as a way of acknowledging what is a strength for the other person. Maybe he or she does not see it, does not appreciate it as much in him or herself, or maybe it\u2019s something he or she takes for granted.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is not just the public KUDOS, you know? This can be a private conversation, a heartfelt thank you for bringing what you bring to the table, Thanks for being here&#8230;I am glad you are part of the team! a big smile. It is appreciative because this is deeply connected with gratitude, with the fact of celebrating together what happened, what you did, that we are in this together. It\u2019s an appreciation that what happened is not the default way, what had to be done. It sees the beauty, the extraordinary. It makes you feel special. And sure this ignites our intrinsic motivation because it gives us tools to keep knowing ourselves better, and seeing our own potential, it connects us with what makes us us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s a moment when you feel seen. Not one more, but someone. Not anyone. You.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>That was moving Vera, you got me there. I felt inspired and it wasn\u2019t even about me.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Alright, 2nd type of feedback.. coaching. This is related to helping someone adjust, align, improve, and expand &#8211; it\u2019s an outside perspective on what or how something can get better.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>For this one to be valuable, there needs to be a good match, don\u2019t you think?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A coach who sees potential in you, who is a believer. But also who sees the bigger picture so they can point you in the right direction, and a coachee who can hear and take in that what can be improved does not cancel what was appreciated of you. It is not one or the other. It is one <em>because <\/em>of the other.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes:<\/strong> Yes. and that also has a lot to do with delivery though, but we\u2019ll get to that in a minute.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The 3rd type of feedback was Evaluation- this is about assessing, and seeing how someone is performing in reference to a standard or expectation of some sort. This is the only type of feedback that is based on roles.. the other types of feedback can be bidirectional &#8211; as a leader, you can give or receive it. or ideally, that is the case. (quick disclaimer here, you and I work in very modern work settings.. but, some listeners might be scoffing at the idea)\u00a0 let\u2019s be clear on the fact that the majority of people do not work in places where bidirectional feedback is taken well, or even imagined as a possibility&#8230;)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>That&#8217;s a good point.\u00a0 so, this evaluative feedback you mentioned, is the one most people talk about when they think of feedback, don\u2019t you think? Like, how was it? Was it good for you? this one compares you to an external standard. To people, you admire, to the expected profile.. to ideas. To ideals. This is the expectations versus reality meme.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Hahahah, LinkedIn vs the messy reality&#8230;\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>\u00a0Finding the differences between one and the other. It reminds me a lot of the conversation around assessment in education. Teachers talk about teaching skills, and continuously assessing skills.. and yet, at a point parents and even students want, to demand the standardized test result.\u00a0<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Grade meeeeeeee!\u00a0 Alright, now.. in essence, what\u2019s important in the coaching or evaluation feedback is that it has to be constructive.. not negative (even though, we have to acknowledge, that what we regularly get is not constructive) what constitutes constructive feedback? and by the way\u2026 just criticizing something and saying &#8211; I\u2019m saying this in a constructive way &#8211; doesn\u2019t make it constructive.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>I think for it to be constructive, it needs to be loving, appreciative of who you are, and inspiring, showing you more than you see for yourself with a clear guide of how to get closer to that aspiration<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>I\u2019m with you on that one. it takes on your blindspots, but it\u2019s meaningful- \u00a0 with a clear objective of actually getting the message across to the other person so that changes can effectively be made &#8211; just vomiting your opinion is not constructive feedback, it\u2019s like that saying:\u00a0 feedback can make you BITTER or BETTER.. if it makes you bitter it\u2019s not constructive<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>I need that t-shirt!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>I saw it in a meme, like everything worthwhile in life.<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Of course.. no within that spirit, of being constructive\u2026\u00a0 some things need to be said, as corrections of errors.. in the workplace, as when teaching grammar, some things you say or do, you don\u2019t even know should not be done&#8230; it\u2019s part of the learning process\u2026 it fucking the first time our friend Brene Brown says.. and it is not that you did something wrong. You are LEARNING.. experimenting. It needs to be pointed out so you can capitalize that mistake not make it twice.. another iteration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>In reference to this constructive feedback, there\u2019s interesting research by Emily Heaphy and Marcial Losada that points out a magic ratio in reference to the positive and constructive feedback: 5 to 1 for every negative, 5 positives\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>It makes sense.. without the first two&#8230; appreciation and coaching, the relationship is not established, I have not earned that role, where you&#8217;ll trust that what I am saying comes from good intentions, and you don&#8217;t let your guard down.. You&#8217;ll be defensive. It will be harder for you to understand that the good is seen too.. and you&#8217;ll tend to defend yourself.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>The relationship between the people involved is very important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>You know, in therapy we talk about transference. If the basis of the relationship is solid.. then we can have the most profound conversations, and we can question the most unquestionable things&#8230; but this does not happen from one day to the next, or.. by not respecting the time when the other person is ready to hear what I have to say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>When I was reading about this I remembered some research by John Gottman,\u00a0 He studies healthy relationships and he had a magic ratio to predict healthy and happy couples &#8211; and he measured interactions between a couple and you know what the ratio was? five to 1 also &#8211; 5 positive interactions to 1 negative\u2026 which goes to show, yet again, that feedback at work is just a relationship, and like any other relationship, it needs some vitamins to grow so that it can survive the tough weather. And, much like the tough weather and storms, negativity is very powerful or impactful, which is why it takes some positive ones to make up for the other ones.\u00a0<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>God! I love these golden rules! They are creative ways of saying things!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But you know, this is so.. a way of predicting or determining the health of a relationship has to do with how crystallized the roles are. Am I the one who is most of the time thanking the other? Am I the one who is constantly seeing the potential in the other? Am I the one always calling the chances of improvement?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At a point&#8230; if these don\u2019t vary, if they don\u2019t circulate.. the relationship will become tense, and it won\u2019t be enriching both ways&#8230; It\u2019ll stop being a two-way street.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Good point.., this has to be dynamic. We talked about this in teams, and in rebranding.. and I love that you mentioned roles because this brings us to another burning question on the issue of.. giving feedback &#8211; is that a leadership role? Can everyone give anyone feedback?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Sure!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Why not right, it\u2019s free! haha.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>In IT\u00a0 this is constant. Ask for feedback. People many times give unwanted feedback. and I must say that I have trouble many times with that.. because it can be untimely.. or it\u2019s said by someone who I don\u2019t even know at times\u2026 and this means I don\u2019t trust him or her&#8230; or don\u2019t know his or her credentials. It is not someone who (for some reason) I look up to and understand I could learn from.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>HBR published an interesting article called the fallacy of feedback, and it mentioned a common assumption that feedback works because you\u2019re getting feedback from someone who is the TRUTH HOLDER, and this is SO not always the case.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>I remember once, I was doing an internship as a therapist, and I was highly critical of the therapists who were running the place. I wanted to implement many changes\u2026 and I was really convinced about it.. these were some things that mattered a lot to me, and they kind of still do&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, when the time came, I did not fully adapt to what was expected of me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When my evaluation came in, it was not great. Because I was being measured based on an expectation I did not fully agree with.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But when my grade came in I was disappointed.. and I remember having a hard time understanding that I was trying to get approval from people or ways that I did not approve of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So, it is important to listen to feedback.. but we need to be aware that not all feedback is equally valuable for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>And I guess sometimes bad feedback from someone you think is doing everything wrong, might not be such a\u00a0 bad thing, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Yeah.. but is it true that that person is doing eeeeeeverything wrong?&nbsp;<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Of course not, but you and I\u00a0 know more than well that sometimes we have to rebel. because we know better &#8211; or at least we think we do, and so you rebel, like you did at uni, and then you deliver, to prove that you were right in rebelling, and you show your results to those who provided feedback you didn&#8217;t agree with. and it could be someone you highly respect, but in certain areas, you just don\u2019t see eye to eye- and you work hard to prove your point, and hopefully install change or acceptance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Alright, so, I think we\u2019ve rambled enough about feedback, shall we move to a more practical part? listeners are probably wondering ok but how do I do it? How can\u00a0 I listen better?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Alright let\u2019s get to the hacks.<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol><li><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>If you\u2019re giving feedback before you open your mouth think about what you want to achieve. Do you want to build a bridge, or do you want to throw a bomb? because we\u2019re human, and sometimes we want to be that girl in the meme setting the house on fire, you know, it\u2019s valid and it happens\u2026 that feeling of ah, fuck it. &#8211; but that\u2019s NOT constructive feedback. so if you want to build a bridge &#8211; strategize, think about what you\u2019re going to say, who you are saying it to, and what would be the best way to do it. take the time (and sometimes this can take a lot of time) to try and get your message across.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>2. <strong>Vera:<\/strong> Start with something positive &#8211; lay the ground for the person to be open and receptive &#8211; hey, I noticed that you\u2019re making an effort to improve your listening skills, that\u2019s great, and it\u2019s making a great impact, but I also noted that when Mary blamed you for not closing the deal you got a little nervous and raised your tone a little\u2026\u00a0 I see you bUT\u2026or because I see you\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>3. <strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>If you have specific feedback find a framework to help you: I like the SBI\u2122 feedback tool crafted by the Center for Creative Leadership because it\u2018s pretty aligned with the Non-Violent Communication framework in some aspects. SBI\u2122 stands for Situation, Behaviour, and Impact or implications as you mentioned today. You start by outlining the situation so that the context is clear and specific. For our example, let\u2019s set an example that we\u2019ve spoken about before &#8211; which is my tendency to use foul language\u2026\u00a0<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera:<\/strong> Haha you had to bring it up<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>This is just to make you uncomfortable.. so context-wise we\u2019d say.. the last episode when we spoke about teamwork,\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then you talk about the behavior: the precise behavior that you want to address.\u00a0 No judgment, clear measurable, and observable &#8211; avoid the temptation to interpret what happened, instead offer exactly what you saw, so we would say the last episode when we spoke about teamwork you said the word SHit three times&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera:<\/strong> You realize you just said it again. the word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Well, we\u2019re saying it has to be specific, so we have to say it specifically instead of you\u2019re a grown-up Mer, you\u2019re always using inappropriate language, it\u2019s unprofessional. That is the story you&#8217;re telling yourself. . In feedback the story you\u2019re telling yourself is not important, and it\u2019s a roadblock.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then impact\u2026 which s where you highlight the impact of the person&#8217;s behavior on you, the team, and the organization -so what would that look like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Mer,\u00a0 Last episode when we spoke about teamwork you said the word SHit three times, and some people were concerned that it would put listeners off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Alright. good job there didn\u2019t it feel nice when you said it.. just saying, it&#8217;s cathartic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera:<\/strong> It\u2019s honest and it makes reference to something that is alive in us. I\u2019d like to add that it might feel robotic,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes:\u00a0 <\/strong>The framework or saying the foul language?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>the framework! but in practice, it&#8217;s not, and it\u2019s important to add emotions if they come up, because that\u2019s part of the impact. You might be surprised that it sounds short because we\u2019re used to adding all the stories we tell ourselves, but in this case, keeping it concise is important &#8211; you can share the story you tell yourself with your partner, boss, or friend.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>4. <strong>Vera:<\/strong> If you don&#8217;t have specific feedback you can use other frameworks like the KEEP STOP START one where you list things the person should keep doing, should start doing, and stop doing.\u00a0<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>5. <strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>If you\u2019re listening to feedback and you\u2019re having a tough time or it gets intense.\u00a0 you can try and drown out the noise by repeating mantras &#8211; Brene Brown mentions this like &#8211; there\u2019s something valuable here, like not taking everything in, but trying to see past the roadblocks. You can even try a metacognition exercise, this is what I understood, is that correct? or ask for specificity &#8211; can you give me an example?<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Sometimes receiving feedback moves us, and its important to address that &#8211; maybe mentioning hey, look, I\u2019m crying but I\u2019m listening, sort of owning what&#8217;s happening, don\u2019t turn the camera off, it\u2019s part of the conversation, own it and make room for it.<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>7. <strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>If your leader doesn\u2019t give you feedback &#8211; ask for it! point to the not-mets, ask them to point something out in the next presentation- ask for coaching- people think feedback needs to be evaluative. there\u2019s a gap in perception between what people want and what leaders think they want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many times people say they want feedback, they need coaching, guidance advice even appreciation or acknowledgment of their difficulties.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>8. <strong>Vera:<\/strong> So another tip would be: to ask for feedback in a meaningful way. This is something for your development, and this requires a growth mindset. Be specific about your needs. If you need approval, ask did you like it? ..\u00a0 when looking for advice, ask for advice.\u00a0<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Mercedes: <\/strong>Good, like a good call to action &#8211; hey, I\u2019d like you to listen to the episode and I\u2019d like to receive feedback &#8211; meaningful feedback for me would be on what sparked your interest in the topic, what made you laugh or smile, what you disagreed with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vera: <\/strong>Exactly!!\u00a0 and with that said. dear dear listeners, we thrive on your feedback,\u00a0 the meaningful one, so please let us know what you thought!<br><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p> The Everything Else is powered by\u00a0<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/abstracta.us\/\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>Abstracta<\/strong>\u00a0<\/a>and\u00a0<a rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/learninc.app\/\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>LearnInc<\/strong><\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0How did you feel the last time you received feedback? And when was the last time you were on the giving end? Feedback makes people feel a little squirmy, and the harsh consequence is that sometimes we run away from it. In today\u2019s episode, Vera&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":26,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[531,559,518],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v14.0.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Everything Else Podcast | The One About Feedback<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In today\u2019s episode, Vera and Mer jump into the black hole of #feedback, with some practical tips on how to make it work for you and your team.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow\" \/>\n<meta name=\"googlebot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta name=\"bingbot\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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